… I might be crazy or just getting older, but hear me out.

So I head a little  of a  find myself time in Thailand recently. Nah, jokes! It was a stag do and good fun with a couple of friends and there is a new energy inside me since then. I think my sleep schedule changed for the better, so I have had 3 days of getting to bed at 1am and getting up at 7:15am, so it’s a little less sleep but I feel fantastic and have one hour more of gaming or reading a book. Again maybe I am just getting old and can make do with less sleep.

Speaking of reading, I am currently reading ‘The Suitcase Entrepreneur‘ and it is a very interesting and fast read. Almost done now. I have learned a lot and will put some of it in practise. However one of the core draws of the lifestyle promoted in that book is the endless moving around and adventuring or flexibility thereof. I don’t like that. I like being in places and exploring them and stuff around it that I like and learn about things that interest me and those can be plentiful and are definitely different to Lonely Planet locations or their readers mindsets. Maybe it is the German in me or maybe I am too old for this. Haha!

Again, nothing against all this. I also don’t like ‘normal’, but I really want to be in a place and make it my place. I can’t be in multiple places at once. I don’t like standing desks either or living out of a suitcase, but having meaningful stuff and less stuff than others appeals to me to a great degree. Speaking of entrepreneurs, at some point, I have been one but way to young for that at age 20 for 2 years in sales. I have learned a plethora of things and I would do the same thing again, but it also drained me to no end and made me change my life almost completely on a path of endless learning and eventually moving to China.

At that time and way later and again about 4 years ago after again being in sales but then slowly transferring in more of training roles and administrative customer relationship management tools I was more comfortable but still in those sales time I did these personality test, you know them, if not, check it out, this one (16 personalities) is fast and fairly accurate and interesting. Guess what I was: The Entrepreneur aka ESTP and that is still close enough for me.

But, and this is kind of a big but, I feel drained after meeting with people. Especially drained if they are in close proximity to me (physically and geographically) or it is for example a kind of ‘forced’ networking event or something similar. In my time off, I like to read or think or watch stuff or game but in my comfort zone and most of the time on my terms and I can be super stubborn in that way. I need like a full day every week where I avoid meeting people at all. Then I feel re-energized and I did so after the Thailand trip. There is, of course a handful of people that understand me and I could have around 24/7 but that is the exception to the rule.

What made me write all this was something completely unrelated to psychology and this came up in the comment section of some article, that I can’t even remember but someone said something to the degree of: Introverts are ultimately drained by people, while extroverts get energy from being around others. Ultimately the are happy for long stretches by themselves.

Boom! I was thinking. This is happening, I need more time by myself and I feel better for it. Or maybe I am just old and have more responsibilities or more stuff to do on my own and time feels less efficiently spent with a group (or big group) of people. It’s not getting old though, as again, a handful of people seem to get me all the time and I want them around all the time or the time I feel like I need that. All babble, but I did that test again, with a slightly different result.

Knowing more about myself year by year, day by day, being in job that gives me the opportunity to grow and in a more relaxed state of mind and without much bending of my inner introvert at events or in sales (where I am actually great, but feel way more drained) – surprise – I am still a bit more of an extrovert it seems but it’s 50 something percent but now the result is: The Commander aka ENTJ

It’s one letter off and I am more judging than prospective. I judge people and I am a bit more of a planner/strategist and make quick assertive decisions as opposed to keeping a lot of options open. I rather life in a more confined environment and adapt quickly than endlessly waddling around and deciding on either and getting everyone’s option.

I was planning to go into a field like event planning or some sort of marketing role or PR with events and being there and approaching strangers and whatnot, but now, I think I will develop in a more interesting way (to me) without forced cold interactions that I at this time believed I enjoy but ultimately would stress me more than I would need.

To be fair, I feel the ENTJ result is a bit harsher to myself and I don’t like it as much as the ENTP, but I believe it reflects me more, my stubbornness and sometimes frustration with people. But I discovered I need these times alone and that sometimes I get drained around people.

Enough with my armchair psychologist self diagnosis. Try the test! It is fun and you might learn something about yourself or you might find a random article online and read the comments and you realise something new or old about you and you grow in your way.



4 thoughts on “At almost 33 I am realising I might be an introvert…

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